Whose in Your Corner: Preparing for the 4th Trimester and Beyond

 After church today, I was talking with a friend who is about to have a new baby about our pastor’s message. He mentioned how important it is to have people in your corner—a group of about three people you can turn to. You don’t have to know everyone in the church, but you do need those few.

It made me think about how we prepare for babies. Most women spend so much time on their birth plan and making the "perfect" registry for a baby they haven't met yet. We always hope and pray for a lovely 4th trimester—that the mom bonds with the baby, the baby is calm and restful, the mother’s milk comes in, and she heals easily.

But as we know, things don’t always go according to our plans.

When the Meal Train Isn't Enough

Our church offers a meal train, which is wonderful, but sometimes a meal doesn't lend to true emotional help when you really need it. You need to prepare for who is in your corner for the transition into motherhood, not just the birth and the nursery.

You need people who will care for you if you are struggling—when the sleepless nights are weighing toughly, or the baby is fussy and you feel like you cannot handle it. You need people you can go to without feeling like a burden; someone rooting for you who can actually teach you.

Expanding Your Circle

Sometimes building this corner means intentionally inviting new people in. Don’t overlook the older women in your church who don't have young children of their own anymore. They have the "fresh" perspective of having survived it, and they often have the time and heart to mentor you.

Likewise, you need other moms who are in the thick of it. Even if she has her own kids and cannot run to your aid immediately, just having someone you can text who understands the struggle is a lifeline. There is comfort in knowing someone else is awake at 3:00 AM with you, even if they are across town.

Why We Need to Be Taught

In the era we live in, many women are disconnected from children in their single years. They aren't prepared to know how to love their children when it is difficult, or how to balance loving their husband at the same time. Much of what we learn can often come from social media, or our immediate circle of friends who may have not yet walked through this new season.

This is exactly why Titus 2 tells the older women to teach the younger women:

"...that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..." — Titus 2:4 (NKJV)

Just because it’s biological doesn't mean it always comes naturally. We have to be taught that even when the sacrifices don't feel natural, those are the exact things the Lord uses for our sanctification. Sanctification is just a big word for God stretching us and making us more like Him. It isn't always comfortable, but it is what He wants to use to change us, to make us holy.

Nudging Your Friends (The "Auntie" Culture)

Isolation happens so easily when you move from being surrounded by single friends (or friends without children) to being a new mother. Sometimes your friends feel left out and don't know where they fit anymore.

Don't let that isolation happen. Sometimes those old friends just need a nudge. Tell them you don’t want to lose the friendship just because you’ve entered a new stage of life. Here in Hawaii, we welcome them in as the new "Auntie." By calling them "Auntie," you welcome them into your new world and give them a place in your family.

Encouragement for New Moms

To the young moms: don't mother in isolation.

• Find your three. Who can you call when you’re at your wit's end? Remember, they might be new friends who are older than you.

• Embrace the stretch. When it feels hard to love or sacrifice, remember that God is using it to conform you to His image.

• Build your corner. Don't just focus on the registry items that will be outgrown in months. Focus on the relationships that will sustain you for years.

The work you are doing is a joyful duty. It’s hard, but you aren't meant to do it alone. Reach out, invite the "Aunties" in, and lean on the people in your corner.